This is me:
This picture was taken on June 26, 2013. No sucking in. No trying to hide jiggly fat with angles or poses. In fact, I’m trying to put it out there. A raw picture showing who I am: roles, scars, wobbles, and all.
Why would I do this? I try to be honest on here. This is the reason why I am a horrible blogger. The truth scares me. I feel like a disappointment. I’m tired of feeling like a disappointment. So here I am again:
I can make up excuses for why my successful start of the year went downhill the last few months. I can talk about the crazy making drugs I use to fight my PCOS and infertility. I can talk about the pain in my abdomen that cost me several days of pay, many medical bills, and a liver biopsy. I can talk about how I refused pain management because if I do get pregnant, I don’t want to hurt the baby.
The bigger reality? I can talk about how I quit and how it ashamed me.
Tuesday I went to a doctor who specializes in weight loss. I was dreading this appointment because I was worried that I would be told that I was a failure. I am very anti doctors right now, so another appointment was the last thing on my mind. I was worried that since this office also specialized in weight loss surgery, I would be pushed down a path I wasn’t ready for.
Fortunately, surgery wasn’t even mentioned. I met with a doctor who seemed generally excited to meet me. He was encouraging, he was complimentary, he was optimistic. He made me smile when all I wanted to do was cry. He looked at my medical history and said, “I can help this.”
So I am set up on a plan that I will gladly share. However, please remember that I am not a doctor and I am not a dietician. What has been planned for me is not necessarily right for everyone else. I have weekly appointments where I talk with weight loss professionals to see if it is working.
The first step I had to realize? This is me:
And she is pretty awesome. Flaws and all.