Sunday, January 6, 2013

I Never Really Knew True Motivation

I've known for several years now that I suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  It wasn't something that just popped up out of no where, it just took me until I was 26 years old to get myself properly checked out.  It explained my crazy irregular cycles, and it explained my trouble with weight, high blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar levels.  It wasn't until recently though, that I thought about how it affected my chance of getting pregnant.

I was told back then that I would most likely need to take some type of fertility drug if I wanted to try and have kids.  I didn't really think about it then.  I wasn't seeing anyone seriously and having kids was the furthest from my mind.  I could barely afford to pay for myself, let alone a child... so birth control was used, and used intelligently. 

Five years later I am happily married to a wonderful man and secured financially.  Having a baby began to enter my mind.  Knowing that it might be difficult to conceive, I stopped taking birth control the night I got married.  It wasn't that we were actively trying, just that now I wasn't doing anything to stop it from happening.

I figure it would take my body to adjust to no longer being on birth control, but after the first few months of not having a period, I started to wonder.  At three months I took my first pregnancy test.  Negative.  At five months I took another, then again at six months.  All negative.  I made an appointment with my doctor  since I was over due for a physical anyway, and asked.  She also gave me a pregnancy test and once again it came up negative.

Further tests showed that once again my ovaries were covered in cysts and I haven't ovulated in at least six months.  Tack on 3 non stop years of birth control... plus irregularities prior to that, who knows how long it had been.  Basically, my body says I can't have a baby.

I asked my doctor what I could do.  I am taking metformin again, but basically I need to lose weight.  Frustration sets in for me, because thanks to the PCOS, it makes it difficult to lose weight.  I am the girl who paid close to a thousand dollars for a personal trainer... and only lost 5 pounds.  What will make this attempt different from all of my others.

I don't know if I will be successful in losing the weight I need.  However, I never had this type of motivation before.  I know people will say, "oh... you still have plenty of time to get pregnant!"  But honestly, I don't know if that really is the case.  I'm worried that I have a window closing that other women don't.  I never thought I would be thinking kids so quick into my marriage, but what if I miss my window?

What am I doing that is different this time?  I joined "Lose It" and downloaded the app so I can keep better track of my calorie intake.  I am only a week in, but I have stayed committed by logging everything I eat everyday.  I joined a website called "Fitingitin" in the hopes of  forming comradery with other weight loss fighters.  I am working out with a good friend and am taking my new puppy on long vigorous walks.  My husband supports me and my crazy hormonal metformin mood swings.   I have this blog in hopes that I'll find some readers to help keep me motivated when I want to give up.  I have new motivation.  If you read my blog, please take a moment to leave a comment.  It helps me.  If you have nothing to say, just type "Motivation."  

My motivation is to beat down the symptoms of PCOS and get my life on track.


  1. I wish you luck in losing the weight and getting pregnant. I found that I had the most success at weight loss when I kept track of everything I ate. I used Sparkpeople, they have a support group and program to record your food and calories, most foods are already in their system. Slow and steady wins the race.

    My friend from NY was going to have bariatric surgery, but ended up losing too much weight on her own. In one year she lost over 120 lbs and now weighs around 123, but she exercised like crazy!

  2. Keep it up - you can do it. If you get a chance check out
    We have his books and watched a few of his TV shows. Trying to move toward a mostly plant based diet and away from processed food.