Me.

This is me:

This picture was taken on June 26, 2013.  No sucking in.  No trying to hide jiggly fat with angles or poses.  In fact, I’m trying to put it out there.  A raw picture showing who I am: roles, scars, wobbles, and all.

Why would I do this?  I try to be honest on here.  This is the reason why I am a horrible blogger.  The truth scares me.  I feel like a disappointment.  I’m tired of feeling like a disappointment.  So here I am again:

Me. 

I can make up excuses for why my successful start of the year went downhill the last few months.  I can talk about the crazy making drugs I use to fight my PCOS and infertility.  I can talk about the pain in my abdomen that cost me several days of pay, many medical bills, and a liver biopsy.  I can talk about how I refused pain management because if I do get pregnant, I don’t want to hurt the baby.

The bigger reality? I can talk about how I quit and how it ashamed me.

Tuesday I went to a doctor who specializes in weight loss.  I was dreading this appointment because I was worried that I would be told that I was a failure.  I am very anti doctors right now, so another appointment was the last thing on my mind.  I was worried that since this office also specialized in weight loss surgery, I would be pushed down a path I wasn’t ready for.

Fortunately, surgery wasn’t even mentioned.  I met with a doctor who seemed generally excited to meet me.  He was encouraging, he was complimentary, he was optimistic.  He made me smile when all I wanted to do was cry.  He looked at my medical history and said, “I can help this.”

So I am set up on a plan that I will gladly share.  However, please remember that I am not a doctor and I am not a dietician.  What has been planned for me is not necessarily right for everyone else.  I have weekly appointments where I talk with weight loss professionals to see if it is working.

The first step I had to realize?  This is me:

And she is pretty awesome.  Flaws and all.